What are you afraid of?

Dec 13, 2017

There is a passage from David Remnick’s interview with Leonard Cohen in the New Yorker that has always stuck with me. It’s about how Leonard had such stage fright that, during his first major performance, he left the stage with shaking legs after singing just half of the first verse of Suzanne.

The memorable bit wasn’t that he went back out even though he was convinced he couldn’t do it. It was that he still felt like “some parrot chained to his stand” when he performed in concerts until well into his seventies:

“It stems from the fact that you are not as good as you want to be—that’s really what nervousness is,” Cohen told me.

I think back on that every time I feel the fear and resistance when starting a new project. I’m in that place now, and one of the ways I’ve found to dance with that fear and to keep going is to write out all my worries. I then write out all the concrete signs of success I have so far, and compare the lists.

In hopes that seeing this list will help fellow intreparenuers and ‘pirates’ looking to shake up the status quo, here are my lists - they relate to a new team tasked with being change agents in the newsroom that I am soon going to be heading up.

List of worries

• We’ve tried and failed with similar efforts in the past, and I’ll fail too

• They want me to fix several different problems at once / They want me to fix everything all at once

• It’s hard to quantify / measure cultural change and I’ll end up not having anything to show for it after a few months

• Some people just don’t want to change and they’ll see what I do as a threat to them and they’ll fight/try to sabotage it

• I won’t be able to find the right people to be change agents.

• My bosses and I won’t be aligned on goals / scale / scope / speed etc

• I haven’t managed anyone before, let alone a distributed team

• I don’t feel reassured that this will definitely succeed. Culture change is hard

Signs of success

• I’m being told I have strong backing from the bosses, and they are showing it through their actions as well

• I have probably done more research, sought more advice, and spoken to more people in preparation for this than others have in the past

• I have people around me who want me to succeed and are willing to help me - are already helping me - as long as I ask for their help

• There are definitely frustrated pirates within the organisation that I can count on to be allies and co-conspirators

• There is resistance to change but it is also clear to everyone that this is the overall direction we are and have to be moving in.

• I have had successes in the past.

• I have a clear vision for what I want to accomplish and what I think the future of journalism should be, and it is a positive vision.

What I’ve learnt

By writing out my worries, I learnt that they fall into a few categories. Some of them highlight problems that I can start to find specific (and sometimes quite simple) solutions for. For example, if I’m worried that my bosses and I won’t be aligned in our expectations, can I talk to them about it?

Others indicate my fear of failure. But I now realise that is merely a sign that confirms I’m on the right track. It tells me that what I’m doing might not work, and therefore I am tackling a worthwhile problem.

What to read next: Follow your frustrations and forge your own path